A better Easter

Easter is my children's favorite holiday -- the egg dyeing and hunting, the chocolate, the bunny theme. It really is the perfect kid holiday. Also, it moves; a spring surprise. So Samson hasn't had his first birthday yet, but he had his second Easter.

And what a better Easter than last year, in so many ways. In April 2009, on a Thursday afternoon, Samson was taken too early from my belly because he had stopped growing properly. My doctor felt sure Samson would live if we got him out, but could make no guarantees if we left him in. I decided to get him out. When Samson had been kissed and sent off to the neonatal intensive care unit, I was left alone in that maternity room, without my baby. I was sick with fear and worry; I couldn't sleep and I couldn't walk, because of my surgery. I begged a wheelchair ride to the NICU from a passing nurse and stayed there, afraid if I left no one would roll me back to him. I got to check out of the hospital the next day, but I had to leave Samson there alone. In the neonatal intensive care unit, parents are not welcome to stay with their babies round-the-clock, which then and now seems odd and unnatural to me. I spent Saturday night at home, watching my two-year olds and four-year-old dye eggs on the front porch. I spent some of Easter Sunday at home before heading back to the hospital. It all felt weird and the kids kept asking: where is the baby? Later, the children came to see me and meet their brother at the hospital. Josephine made Samson an Easter card that we stuck in his bed. Then, as now, when my glowing three enter a hospital ward, they actually light the place up.

Fast forward to this year: I am well and Samson was home to witness the three-dozen egg-dyeing extravaganza. Four Easter baskets got filled, and I got to eat the baby's candy. We had a yummy dinner all together and worked in a bike ride. We have come a very long way.

We are together for a few more days and I am grateful for this time, wanting both to savor it and to casually take it for granted, like I should be able to. As much as I dread the hospital days creeping up on us, I am glad to be able to prepare myself and to tell the children that Samson and I will be gone for awhile.

And the hospital is, really, creeping up. Tomorrow we will spend the morning in a radiation orientation session that reportedly involves a video and will take almost three hours altogether. I sort of think that if they are going to tell me about something bad for three hours, I am not going to want to do it after, and it looks like we are doing it, so I wish I could have signed up for the shorter version. The actual radiation supposedly takes 15 minutes and won't happen until we are in the hospital.

Friday is Samson's birthday and I am very excited to have a fun family weekend together.

Then, on Monday morning, we have a final pre-transplant appointment with Dr. Nemecek to review the details of Samson's conditioning regimen and the transplant and to sign consents for all of these things. Because Samson's bronchoscopy grew no bacteria this time, he qualified for a shorter Treosulfan/Fludarabine regimen, with one session of radiation, and that is what Dr. Nemecek has decided we should do. I will fill in more details on the chemotherapy/radiation regimen after I get information tomorrow and Monday. Tuesday afternoon, April 13, we will get admitted to the hospital. Samson will have surgery to place the line in his chest, and we will start using it for chemo the next day. The day of the transplant is considered "Day Zero." Our Day Zero is slated for April 20.

The day of transplant is also the day of the marrow harvest, so on that day, Harriet will come to the hospital to have the cells for Samson taken from her hip bones. Dr. Nemecek will do that procedure with an assistant; there will be one harvesting doctor on each hip. We have been told the operation may take a few hours, and, after she has done her initial recovery from anesthesia, she will be allowed to finish recovering in Samson's room (the only time she can visit!) until she can go home later in the day. Our plan right now is for Aaron to stay with Samson, and for me to be with Harriet in pre-op and recovery. Aaron's mom will be here to help with Cash and Josephine, and we will see if it makes more sense for them to go to school or to just skip and have a big confusing family day at the hospital. I am leaning toward the latter. This is a big day, a new beginning of sorts, and I think that we should be celebratory.